May 5^th 2009, my grandmother, Corine died. During that day, before I knew, all of her grandchildren (including myself of course) were facing a some bad luck at school or at work; basically doing whatever. No only that, but there was this gloomy feeling that hung with us that day. I didn't understand at first, why I was so sad and angry. I didn't want to hear shit from my friends. I was late to every class and was snapping at everyone. When my mother came to pick up from school that day and told me the news, I didn't cry at first. I guess, I was in denial or accepting and understanding of the truth. But when I saw her body just laying there and machines still keeping her alive for as long as possible; her face twisted in suffering – I started to cry. I couldn't understand why they were allowing my grandmother to suffer any longer. She couldn't speak or see. Every time I would look up at my grandmother's tortured expression, I died a little inside.

There's no way they could save her. Her heart was pumping fine; but her other organs were failing. At first I was selfish enough by telling her not to leave me, but...I silently accepted her fate and knew it to be the best. I died with nana (Corine). I became uncaring of the things I used to love and stopped thinking of the future. Upon the death of second grandmother - Mable, during August of this year, I cried. I cried because I thought of nana mostly. Mable and I didn't have a very close relationship. But, I will miss her too. I miss how nana used to say, “You're crazy, just like your father's folks. You even look like 'em.” She had such a funny laugh. Honesty speaking, I sometimes hate to think of my grandmother because I hate crying. I don't like people knowing that I cry. Yeah, I know it's pretty silly. They say it's good to cry. But, I just don't. Before the death of Mable, I began to get close to her; mostly to make up for the weeks that I was incognito. However, we formed a bond that wasn't just blood. Now that she is gone too, I've been avoiding my family and hardly going outside. Then, I felt indifferent about my friends. I started to dislike them. Why? I'm not sure completely myself, but they're just a load of brewing drama. So, I avoided them the best way possible. I had a smile and laugh. Whatever it took to get my friends off back for awhile. Well, I am going to end this entry here; I'm feeling sleepy.